INT. FOXTROT

Title: A WEEK AGO

Philip is waiting for the girls bathroom. Jan comes and stands behind 
him.

                                   JAN
                         So the straight boy uses the girl's 
                         restroom?

                                   PHILIP
                         The men's room is too cruisy. You can 
                         go ahead if you want.

                                   JAN
                         I'm good. Just put the seat down.

                                   PHILIP
                         I will.

                                   JAN
                         Unless of course you squat..

                                   PHILIP
                         What? Very funny. I didn't mean to 
                         see you naked. You're the one who 
                         flashed me.

                                   JAN
What does that have to do with...

                                   PHILIP
                         You're obviously mad at me. You've 
                         been a royal bitch all day. I get it 
                         you're embarrassed.

                                   JAN
                         Spare me the pop psychology. Maybe I 
                         just don't like you.

                                   PHILIP
                         Ok.

                                   JAN
                         Ok? What does that mean?

                                   PHILIP
                         How can you not like me, you don't 
                         even know me.

                                   JAN
                         I know you don't look away when a 
                         lady is in a compromising position!

                                   PHILIP
                         I was in shock.

                                   JAN
                         Nice excuse. You're a pig.

                                   PHILIP
                         There's the pot calling the kettle.

                                   JAN
                         What!

                                   PHILIP
                         You heard me. I know marines who fart 
                         belch and swear less than you.

                                   JAN
                         Where'd ya meet these Marines? 
                         Military Crossdressers of America 
                         Association?

                                   PHILIP
                         At least they'd know how to wear a 
                         dress.



                                   JAN
                         What is that supposed to mean?

                                   PHILIP
                         Tuck in your bra strap it's a funeral 
                         for christsake!

                                   JAN
                         Yeah? Well... fuck you.

                                   PHILIP
                         Nice. F you too.

               A drag queen comes out of the bathroom.

                                   JAN
                         Well go!

                                   PHILIP
                         I am.

                                   JAN
                         Enjoy squatting!

                                   PHILIP
                         I'm NOT going to SQUAT!

                                   JAN
                         Yeah right.

               Philip holds the door open.

                                   PHILIP
                         Here watch!

               He stands holding the door and pees.

               Beat. They stare off.

               Beat.

                                   JAN
                         So ummm.. You wanna go out sometime?

                                   PHILIP
                         Sure.. You wanna come in here..

               She smiles



                                   TERESA (O.S.)
                         Jan, there you are.

                                   JAN
                         My Mother!

Panic! Jan slams the door closed and stands in front of it.

                                   JAN
                                (continuing)
                         Ma! What!

               

INT. RESTAURANT

Beat.

                                   JAN
                         I didn't mean to insult you. A lot of 
                         straight guys like getting it in the 
                         ass.

                                   PHILIP
                         Well I don't. Uhg. Are you one of 
                         those chicks who insist on fingering 
                         a guy? I hate that.

                                   JAN
                         No. I've done it. Hey.. HEY! Trust 
                         me, not putting my manicure up some 
                         dirty stink hole is a blessing ok? 
                         Like that's going to get me off, 
                         anyway. Throw in some titty fucking 
                         and can I get a woo-woo.

                                   PHILIP
                         Girls only titty fuck because they 
                         don't like giving head. 

                                   JAN
                         I love giving head!

           They raise their voices.

                                   PHILIP
                         Bullshit! 

           Patrons exchange glances.



                                   JAN
                         I love sucking cock! This from the 
                         gender who think my clit is a drive 
                         thru.

                                   PHILIP
                         That is so not true. I eat pussy. I 
                         eat a lot of PUSSY!

          Yelling!

                                   JAN
                         Yeah, I'm sure. Lick lick.

          A woman covers the ears of her child.

                                   PHILIP
                         I have had muscle cramps in my chin 
                         and tongue from eating twat.

                                   JAN
                         And I have almost had lock-jaw from 
                         deep throating and I didn't stop 
                         sucking!

                                   PHILIP
                         Yeah well I once fucked a girl for...

            A waitress comes over.

                                   WAITRESS
                         Hey...  You guys need to tone down 
                         the convo a little. You're 
                         embarrassing the sailors.

            Insert a scared child in a sailors cap.

                                   PHILIP
                         Sorry.

                                   JAN
                         We're sorry. Sorry everyone.

                                   PHILIP
                         Sorry.

            Beat. 

         They sit embarrassed.




                                   PHILIP
                                (mouths)
                         Wanna go have sex?

                                   JAN
                                (mouths back.)
                         YES!

 Phillip throws down a couple of twenties and they run out the door.